CHAOS – Is it an Addiction?Posted: March 15, 2013
A large number of people have grown up in an alcoholic/addicted family system or the term of today “the dysfunctional family”. This type of environment becomes unpredictable which conditions ones-self to continually live in that manner. To the outside world, this type of living is not visible despite the appearance of “everything is in control”.
Usually, during the recovery process, life begins to me more manageable, a feeling of safety and an overall calming takes effect.
The continued struggle is when things are going too good, it becomes uncomfortable and a sense of anxiety kicks in. So, when there is a crisis real or not, a physical rush permeates causing the feeling of being active in our addiction. It removes us from a sober state of mind that doesn’t even require the act of acting out. The danger is, a relapse is in the near distance.
What steps do we take to avoid chaos?
-Do not engage in someone else’s crises to the point that you abandon yourself. This causes resentments, especially if it’s someone you love or you’re close to.
-Family chaos is especially dangerous because it’s familiar and we can easily “get off” on it. We feel compelled to listen to every detail or even take action. Now we can’t let go and we need to be in the mix painful or not. Tremendous effort is required not to jump in full force at the cost of our well being.
-It is important to determine yes or no to certain events.
- Is the problem mine
- The outcome and my life
- What’s my role in the outcome
- Impact and my sober thinking
- Change behavior and resist getting involved
- Detach from drama
-Taking positive action rather than reacting is a better approach. Often times calling someone we trust to review the situation can remind us that our needs are just as important as the other person’s. This will be difficult when addicted to “chaos” because there is an intense struggle within ourselves to “rescue”. Often times we are being pressured to join in on this self-defeating behavior.
-We may feel guilt or anxiety for not getting involved but the key is to lessen the chaos around us. Every time we resistance, we gain appreciation for the lack of chaos, which evolves into confidence removing the impulse to be in the “mix” all the time.
The goal is to focus on “ourselves” and not the “chaos”. Do what is right for you. Sever ties if you have to, avoid anyone who puts you down, and love from a distance when necessary and “chaos” will lessen.
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